Academic Writing:Words:Exercise

Original version includes emotive language

Revised version without emotive language

But what about those individuals, with a limited knowledge of the law, who do not fit the extremely restrictive legal aid criteria yet will face enormous difficulty paying court or administration fees. These people are forced to use the services of a hugely expensive legal practitioner if they are to have any access to justice whatsoever. They could represent themselves but this would just increase an already incredibly inequitable situation. Unbelievably, people that fall into this category may be completely obstructed from gaining access to justice and this can be seen as a clear violation of the foundations of justice of the individual.

But what about those individuals, with a limited knowledge of the law, who do not fit the legal aid criteria yet will face difficulties paying court and administration fees. These people may have to use the services of an expensive legal practitioner if they are to gain access to the legal system. They could represent themselves but this would just increase the inequitable nature of this situation. It may be the case that, people that fall into this category may have limited access to in their access to justice and this can be seen as a breach of the foundations of justice for the individual.

NOTE: In the exercise there were sometimes several correct responses to change or eliminate the emotive language. In the revised version of the passage shown only one of the correct responses has been included so it may not be identical to the version you created.

Instead of appealing to emotions by including emotive language, the revised paragraph presents an objective and rational argument.

Feedback: Avoiding emotive language